Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite, for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him. Job 2:11
Their intentions were good, these three, although their perceptions were wrong. They were friends of Job, and wanted to comfort him. They did the right thing, at least at first. They showed up during the worst of Job’s trials, and they waited for Job to speak before they said anything. They get a bad rap for their later accusations against Job, blaming him for the ills that had befallen him. Although they caused Job more grief and stress, they at least showed up to offer comfort when he needed comfort. We can learn at least that much from them.
What do you say to somebody going through a tragedy? What words will make a difference to a person who has just lost a life partner, or who has just been diagnosed with cancer, or who has been in an accident that caused serious permanent injuries? Job’s three friends got the second part of their mission right, too: they didn’t say anything to Job for seven days. To somebody going through a deep trauma, our presence is much more acceptable than our words. Unless the Lord gives you something to say that will actually help, don’t say anything. In his deep sorrow and his agonizing pain, Job must have felt more like crying than chatting. And the presence of his three friends – at least at first – would cause him to be thankful that they cared enough to come. There are people we would want to have show up when tragedies occur. And there are people who would want us to show up to comfort them in their catastrophes. Like Job’s three friends, we need to be willing to be there.
Are you the kind of person you friends want to see when they are smitten with grief and pain? Remember how the Lord Jesus responded when two of His friends lost their brother. His tears were real; He was able to weep with them. He felt and shared in their sorrow. And, when He spoke, He always said what was the best thing to say. Those whose hearts are heavy and whose bodies are in agony don’t benefit from hearing blame or criticism; Jesus always knew that. We should know that too.
Put yourself in the place of the weeping or suffering friend, and be the type of friend you would like to see show up. And don’t say anything you wouldn’t want to hear if it was you in their place. -Jim MacIntosh