One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity. 1 Timothy 3:4
Some years ago when the Liberals were returned to government in Canada, efforts were quickly launched to have the spanking of children outlawed, as that party tried to do during an earlier period. They listen to so-called experts who told them that corporal punishment causes psychological damage to children, while failing to grasp the damage that is done to the children, the parents, and to society as a whole by failing to properly chastise unruly behaviour in children. As today’s text declares, proper discipline of his own children is one of the hallmarks of a man who is qualified to be a leader in God’s Assembly.
Our text is part of the description of an Assembly elder, although it should be true of every Christian man who has a family. A man who rules well his own house is one who takes all of the responsibilities of being a husband and father seriously. Although he and his wife are in an equal partnership, he is the one who takes the leadership in all spiritual matters, and who provides all the support his wife needs in her practical administration of the home. Scripture elsewhere provides plenty of instruction as to how the husband is to love and cherish his wife, so this verse cannot be talking about control or repression of the wife – just the opposite. It is simply making clear that the husband has the responsibility of leadership.
He also has the responsibility of making sure that his children are properly disciplined. Much of the day-to-day discipline will naturally fall to the children’s mother as she takes care of them in the home, although some of this will also be done by the father when he is present. But his role is to make sure that the discipline is working as it should, including giving support to his wife in her actions. Sometimes the children need extra correction beyond what their mother can provide, and the father will address that.
Let us not lose sight of the final phrase of our text. The words ‘with all gravity’ is referring to respect. If the children are disciplined properly, they will respect their parents. And outsiders will respect the way in which the discipline is administered. For example, a father who cruelly beats his children to the point of physical harm is in direct violation of our text, while a father who carefully and lovingly administers corporal punishment is in direct compliance with our text. There is a vast difference between a beating and a spanking, and every godly parent knows the difference.
The world doesn’t like to deal with discipline and frowns on those who use it. But God says the man who disciplines his family well is a true leader both inside and outside the home. -Jim MacIntosh